Self harm, what is it and will counselling help?
Self-harming is not a new concept, but it’s one that most medical professionals wish was stamped out. It’s the act of someone deliberately hurting or injuring themselves and it’s mostly used as a coping mechanism when life’s stressors become too overwhelming to handle.
The practice is widely associated with teenagers – especially girls – but it’s not something that’s just limited to this range of people. Self-harming in adults is not unusual and it does still happen, it’s just less heard of in this age range.
Self-harming behaviours are associated with very strong emotions.
Those who do it often chase the feeling of relief from those overwhelming emotions.
The lack of control that comes with life’s stresses can lead to self-harm, as well, because it’s something that the person can control.
They often feel afraid that they may hurt someone, and so turn to themselves and hurt themselves instead.
There are people out there who believe that self-harming is all about seeking attention but this comes from a lack of education on the subject. Someone secretly cutting themselves is not looking for attention; this is usually the very last motivation and it can start in the spur of the moment, but it can develop into a way of coping that lasts for years.
Why Do People Self-Harm?
There are plenty of reasons for people self-harming and the main reasons include:
- Tension relief
- A way to punish themselves
- A cry for help
- Extreme distress
- Reducing the feeling of being overwhelmed
- Distraction from trauma
- Regaining control over their lives
Of course, some reasons are different to these and they are very personal, but these are the common reasons behind self-injury.
What Are The Common Causes?
Self-harming is a unique issue that varies from person to person and the causes differ depending on their history. Some of the most common causes behind self-harming include the following:
- Childhood Trauma. A common reason for self-harming includes childhood trauma. There are studies supporting this link, as children cannot control what happens to them. As they get older, though, they can control their response to the trauma with self-harm.
- Self-Hatred. Some people believe that their body needs to be punished and they do this with self-injury. Their low self-esteem can cause them to turn this inwards, leading to injury from self-loathing.
- Stress Relief. This is perhaps the most common reason for self-harming. Relief from stress, as it can help a victim feel as if they are alive. The pain stops them from feeling numb, and they are able to release intolerable levels of stress.
- Bullying. Self-harm is common in teenagers and children who are suffering from being bullied. Before the age of 12, exposure to bullying and name-calling is a precursor to self-injury after 12. Young children and teenagers don’t have the ability to cope with such a high degree of stress and heightened anxiety. They take it out on themselves as an outlet.
Signs, Symptoms & Behaviours To Look For
It can be a huge challenge to know whether a loved one or friend is harming themselves. Some people are able to hide it more than others and as self-injury is often done in private, the signs will vary depending on how it’s done.
Some of the signs to look for include:
- Behaviour Signs
- Wearing long sleeves and trousers no matter the weather
- Newly clumsy behaviour – lots of falls and injuries due to clumsiness
- Preferring to spend a lot of time alone
- Issues within relationships
- Keeping sharp objects close
- Unpredictable and impulsive
- Physical Signs
- Patches of hair missing
- Broken bones
- Frequent bruises
- Fresh cuts and scratches
- Scarring
- Evidence of bandages and plasters
Someone who is self-harming will also feel hopelessness, worthlessness and a feeling of depression and low mood.
It’s very common for this to be their normal, even if it doesn’t seem normal to outsiders.
What Are The Risk Factors?
Self-injury can begin at any age, but most people who are at risk of self-harming are adolescents and young adults.
The risk factors are as follows:
- Being female
- Teenagers and young adults
- Young adults exposed to others who self injure
- Unstable personal identity
- Drug and alcohol abuse/addiction
- Mental health issues.
Self-harm is not just limited to those in the categories above. High-functioning and successful adults can often feel relief at cutting their skin.
It’s important to understand that people self-harm for a variety of reasons, and it’s possible that it can start as early as 4 years old.
Self-harming is a reaction to a stressful situation and it can happen to anyone put under extreme pressure with no outlet.
What Are The Consequences?
There are long-term effects of self-harm that should be noted and these can range from unintentional death to irritants.
It’s so important that those who engage in this type of behaviour approach a professional for self-harm counselling as soon as they are able to.
It’s not always easy to ask for help but there are common side effects of self-harm that can last for years.
Some of these most common effects include the following:
- Broken or fractured bones
- Continued social isolation
- Feelings of guilt, disgust and shame
- Scarring – permanent scarring
- Poor self-image
- Injured tendons and nerves that don’t recover
- Permanent weakness in certain areas
- Limb loss
- Infections
- Septicaemia
- Suicide
- Accidental death
There is every chance that these wouldn’t occur, but the risk is still there for those who are hurting themselves on purpose.
Preventing Self-Harm
Prevention of self-harm comes with counselling, help and support.
People who are hurting themselves have a lot of issues to work through to prevent them from cutting or injuring themselves.
When you feel an urge to harm yourself, replacing this harm with something less harmful is important. You can keep a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you want to cut your skin. You can learn to turn to less harmful behaviours to fill the void, and with the help of counselling, this is easier.
Some tricks for avoiding self-harming behaviours include using a journal as an outlet. Journalling the feelings that come before the urge to self-harm is going to help you to become aware of the triggers. Once you know them, you can learn to mitigate them and make life easier, avoiding the feelings that lead to self-injury.
Exercise is one of the other ways that self-harm can be prevented. You can get your body moving, get your mood lifted and reduce stress and anxiety massively. Exercise also gives you a chance to get out of your head and focus on other things.
As well as exercise, you can turn to counselling to help you to get through the feelings you may be having. When you feel as if you’re going to hurt yourself, you can try other things to distract yourself such as drawing, playing a game and listening to music.
How To Talk About Self-Harming
It’s not easy to discuss self-harming as it’s an uncomfortable topic. Talking to someone about it isn’t easy, and you may worry whether you will embarrass or anger someone if you do.
Talking about it is important if you want to get the right help but some things to keep in mind when talking about self-harm is that you need to leave the door to communication open. You also want to set aside time for a conversation about it so that you’re not rushed when you do talk about it.
If your friend or loved one is self-harming, you can encourage your friend or loved one to speak up about what they’re going through. Show some respect to them and ask them about their experiences and how you can personally help them through it. Let them know that you are concerned about them and that you don’t judge them. Show them some empathy and support, not pity as they don’t need that.
As important as it is to avoid showing pity, it’s also vital that you don’t promise to keep their self-injury a secret. They need help and keeping it a secret only keeps them able to harm themselves. You don’t want to apply pressure on them to seek help, or force them into anything they don’t want to do, either. Stand by them and help them find the right self-harm counselling service. Take the time to do your research and your loved ones will get the help they need.
Self harm counselling with Malcom Bateup
Want to know more about what self harm counselling? Get in touch with Malcolm Bateup, empathic Shoreham counsellor, to start a conversation.
As a qualified and experienced counsellor, Malcolm Bateup regularly provides self harm counselling to people of all ages in the Shoreham-by-Sea area.
MB Counselling is based in Shoreham-by-Sea, West Sussex. Malcolm offers a range of counselling services including face to face at his Shoreham treatment room, walk and talk and online counselling.
Please contact us to have a free initial chat.
For complimentary therapies such as reflexology and massage please find out more about services from Nicola at Beach Green Holistics.